the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
