No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
