stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
