I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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