Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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