evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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