Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
