Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
