You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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