you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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