I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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