I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
