she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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