It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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