Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
