i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
