Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
