my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
