dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
