Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
