So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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