So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
