I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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