idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
