recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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