yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
