I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
