he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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