Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
