gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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