So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
