I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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