So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
