let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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