I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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