why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
