I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
