y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
