taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
