good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
