would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
