oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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