you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
