You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
