i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
