Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
