is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
