Dual....:-)
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
