I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I enjoy the company of your penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
