ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
