dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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