i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
